My name's Tyler, 17, junior, clarinet/euphonium and tenor sax, yeah.
DON’T GET PISSED AT ME, I JUST FOUND THIS, I DID NOT CREATE IT. I respect every drum corps, because what they do is incredible.
But leave me messages and such because I want to know what you think about this lololol.
The Official Undisputed DCI Stereotypes of the Top Twelve (Because That Is All Who Matters)
(These are all offically correct in every way and there is no room for interpretation or change.)
All scores are from 2010
1st. Blue Devils - 98.9: A bunch of swagged out cholos from Cali that smoke weed all day and basically piss excellence. Everything athletically they do is almost perfect because they are all poor hispanics from L.A. that grew up playing basketball and skateboarding but sucked too much so they joined marching band and ended up being the best at that. If any corps got busted for performance enhancing drugs it would be these kids. Not old school in the slightest, I have personally witnessed BD members smoking cigarettes/joints/crack in uniform, which is pretty fucking awesome if you ask me. They also make a habit of being blackout drunk at finals retreat and being complete assholes.
2nd. The Cavaliers - 97.75: It would be appropriate to call The Cavaliers the “fratboys” of DCI, since they are one of the two only all male corps left in the activity. It would also be appropriate to call them the arrogant assholes of DCI, just because they won a couple straight championships from 2000-06. And because they are arrogant assholes, they pull a lot of pussy. I mean A LOT of pussy. Bitches LOVE the cavies. And I don’t mean just because they’re douchey pretty boys, but because about 1/3rd of the corps is raging colorguard homosexuals who preform so much gay sex in the public school showers they use everyday that the government would literally ban homosexuality if they found out about it. And bitches LOVE gay dudes for some reason.
3rd. Bluecoats - 96.4: The Bluecoats are that idiotic kid in college that you were kind of friends with but pissed you the fuck off because he thought he was hotter shit than he was. He claimed he had the best game of your friend group but you always saw him at the end of the night wasted with the fat ugly chick. The Bluecoats talk a lot of shit, and sometimes they deliever (2010 is their highest finish of their existence), but mostly they just write a lot of sweet tuba licks, butcher them at finals, and then jerk off about how hard their book was for the rest of the offseason. Basically the Bluecoats are fucking tools.
4th. Carolina Crown - 95.950: Ah Carolina Crown… If DCI was a parent, Carolina Crown would be the favorite child that it leaves all of his cash to while The Cadets and the Blue Devils get the old chair that DCI ended up making GBS threads his pants in toward the end of his long life. Everyone fucking loves Carolina Crown because one year they had this show about horses and it was kinda cool I guess but they got fucking 6th place so the amount of attention they got for it was unwarrented if you ask me. Carolina Crown also plays really loud, and will probably win one day, but probably not until they get an attitude adjustment and quit acting like god’s perfect little angel of drum corps and turn some swag on.
5th. The Cadets - 95.1: The Cadets are easily the most fucking annoying drum corps of all time. It’s hard for me to even describe how annoying they are, they even loving look annoying. Seriously these guys fucking suck. They pretend they are old school to the core, and then turn around and act like just because they have some rich and storied history that they can do gay “innovative” shit like do acrobatics on picnic tables or have Queen Latifuh sing during one of their utterly inane programs. The Cadets are the super rich blonde kids from high school that acted like they were better than everone because their great-great grandfather worked under J.P. Morgan and fought anti-trust legistlation in the early 20th century. Basically they just think they are good and they fucking aren’t so suck a dick Cadets.
6th. Phantom Regiment - 93.15: Jesus Christ Phantom Regiment, where the fuck do I even start? First of all, Phantom Regiment gets way more credit than they ever, ever deserved. Phantom Regiment is your typical band nerd: short, unathletic, socially awkward, and loving talks too much. They have only won once and tied for 1st once, and everyone thinks they are the shit for some reason. According to these people who follow Phantom religiously and who also must be deaf and blind, Phantom is the “darkest” and “most passionate” drum corps because 98% of their rep comes from Romantic era Russian composers. Every single year about 50% of the DCP community hoots and fuckin hollers over how lovely Phantom scores, when every single year they either sound okay and move like complete shit, or sound like a runaway freight train and move like complete shit. These are the types of pussies that cry after every show because “they left so much passion on the field!!!”. Fuck you Phantom.
7th. Santa Clara Vanguard - 92.0: Santa Clara Vanguard, commonly confused with the mall pizza franchise “Sbarro’s”, are The Cadets of the west coast. Hardcore, old-school, traditional, and inferior to the Blue Devils in every way except for their hats (THEY’RE AUSSIES HURRR), the ladies and gentlemen of the Vanguard spend their days reminiscing… mostly about Phantom of The Opera. The following is a typical bus conversation that will occur on one of SCV’s 400 year old HIV ridden buses throughout the summer: “Hey, seat partner, we’re in SCV! We’re in the same corps that did the same show two years in a row and still lost! WE’VE BEEN IN 8th PLACE ALL SUMMER WHOOO”. That’s right folks. In 1988 and 1989 SCV performed the (not quite exactly) same program. What a bunch of pussies. The last time these guys were good was 2004.
8th. Blue Stars - 91.9: Okay, okay, okay… I can’t rail too much on these guys. Why, you ask? Number 1 rule of DCI: Only the Top 12 matter, and these guys have only been in the top 12 for like 2 years. I literally don’t know anything about them except they came in 2nd one time in like the 1970s and then sucked until recently. So I guess that’s it then. They are from LaCrosse, WI and I don’t really like the sport Lacrosse so fuck these guys.
9th. Boston Crusaders - 89.350: HAHAHA okay I take back what I said about The Cadets being the most annoying. At least The Cadets are somewhat talented. The “BAD ASS CRUSADERS”, as they refer to themselves as, are nothing short of everything that is awful about The Cadets, and nothing more than a group of rowdy 16 year olds hopped up on ritalin and caffeine pills, ready to show the world just how far apart they can spread their elbows! During my final year of DCI involvement their program was entitled “The Core of Temptation”, basically an excuse for their colorguard to dress like sluts so the staff would have some entertainment during tour while they were forced to deal with borderline brain-dead children that still play with Tonka trucks.
10th. Madison Scouts - 88.950: Alright, the Scouts! Always a crowd favorite, the Scouts dazzle the crowd with their hip and happenin’ take on hispanic music and screaming trumpet solos… year after year after year after year. Except these days, they don’t do it well. Sure, back in 95-96 and even earlier than that they were hot shit, but now they barely hope to make the Top 12 every year. Pretty sad really, considering they actually DO have a rich and storied history worth knowing about, unlike The Cadets. Seriously, fuck The Cadets.
The bottom two corps (Blue Knights, Glassmen) have so little distinguishable qualities and information about them that they wouldn’t even be fun to write about. Basically, they both really suck and will never be higher than where they are now. They’re like the Detroit Lions, it’s an organizational problem…
bringing this back cause this was awesome lolol